


But He's A Jedi

by soulshrapnel



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension, all of these characters are absurd, referenced Anakin/Padmé
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29492742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulshrapnel/pseuds/soulshrapnel
Summary: With the Supreme Chancellor's encouragement, Admiral Tarkin decides it's time to try his hand at seducing a Jedi. Things don't go as planned.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Wilhuff Tarkin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	But He's A Jedi

"But he's a Jedi," said Wilhuff Tarkin in dismay.

He was sitting with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine in the Chancellor's box at the opera, which was a cultural vice Palpatine had been teaching Tarkin to enjoy. The Supreme Chancellor had long taken an interest in Tarkin's career, and it wasn't uncommon for them to have talks like this, catching each other up on their progress and their plans. Palpatine wasn't entirely trustworthy - neither was any politician - but they did see eye to eye about a number of things.

"That's rarely stopped the Jedi in the past," said Palpatine. On the stage several hundred feet in front of them, a dancer spun languidly past, illustrating some part of a long and involved story about a forbidden and unrequited love on a Mid Rim planet, something just exotic enough to be interesting to a jaded Coruscanti audience without being really in the backwoods like Tarkin's home world. "Unless you aren't interested, of course."

"I'm not _un_ interested. But you know the rule I set for you, Sheev. I'll do whatever you like towards our common political goals, but you're not interfering in my personal life."

Palpatine smiled - he'd always seemed to enjoy Tarkin's forthright manner - and took a grape from the small bowl beside him. He chewed it slowly as he watched the dance sequence, giving Tarkin time to think it over.

Tarkin _liked_ Anakin Skywalker, obviously. He had a weakness for that type, young and brash and strong and unaffected by Core World niceties, almost to the point of naivete. Anakin had seen things Tarkin's way almost as soon as they met - he'd never expected that of a Jedi, but it had made their work together escaping the Citadel, and their subsequent friendly encounters, very satisfying.

If he sometimes fantasized about getting the young Jedi alone somewhere suitable, tempting him away from both his Jedi vows and the Republic's more general rules as to fraternization, seeing what that lithe strong body could do for him... Well, that was Tarkin's own failing. Too much pent-up energy on too many campaigns, too few really suitable outlets, and a general inability to keep his roving thoughts where they belonged.

"It's up to you, of course," Palpatine said thoughtfully, after he chewed and swallowed his grape. Onstage, an angry duet and perhaps the precursor to a fight had broken out between a pair of romantic rivals. "But, between you and me, Anakin isn't just any Jedi. I think of him as highly as you do, though the nature of my interest is not the same. I've been thinking of the role he might play when the war is over. He's taken his vows, but it would be... useful to know if he can be bent from them."

Tarkin scowled. "I am an Admiral, Sheev, not a _courtesan._ I don't seduce people for you. Find an undercover agent if you want that kind of work done."

"Oh, I could." Palpatine popped another grape into his mouth and gave that mental image a moment to sink in. "If that's what you'd prefer. There are plenty of spies in Republic Intelligence who are practiced with such work. Lithe young things, his own age, who'd leap at the chance to seduce a Jedi. To gain his trust. To claim him for themselves-"

Tarkin reached out and physically grabbed the bowl of grapes away. "That won't be necessary."

The Supreme Chancellor's eyes sparkled with amusement. "You're interested, then?"

Tarkin scowled over at him. He knew when he'd been baited, but the bait was irresistible. " _This_ once. And should _anything_ untoward or undesired occur, I am taking it back."

"Of course."

On the stage before them, one of the two rivals dropped to the floor and dramatically, tunefully died.

*

So that was how they both ended up eating together somewhere nice, a private little dining room up in a tower with a good view of a relatively unmarred stretch of forest on Eriadu, where Anakin had coincidentally been stationed for a set of light duties that didn't take all his time. (Coincidence had nothing to do with it; but Palpatine hadn't told Tarkin exactly which strings he'd had to pull to set this up, and Tarkin wasn't going to ask.) It had taken nothing more than a glance at the schedule, and a casual _might I treat you to a meal?_ and he'd had Anakin's enthusiastic agreement.

Yet it had been the kind of enthusiasm that didn't seem to have any deeper meaning.In Anakin's mind, they were friends, and they both ate food, so why _not_ eat food together? If he'd read any more into it, he had given no sign.

Tarkin watched patiently, enjoying the movements of Anakin's mouth as he half-ate his dinner - a little pile of fancy seafood puffs - and half-expounded on the details of some repair he'd had to do on the fly on his last mission. His fighter's engines had cut out halfway through a dangerous dogfight and he'd done something in a few seconds to the wires that struck Tarkin as neither legal nor physically possible. It had gotten him through the fight and allowed him to eliminate his enemies, and then he'd had to do a much longer, chancier bout of wrestling with the engine in concert with his astromech droid before it was possible to return to the hangar safely. He'd nearly died, to hear him tell it, but it didn't seem to bother him overmuch.

"-and I was in _so_ much trouble when I got back," Anakin concluded, popping a seafood puff into his mouth to punctuate the sentence, as if nothing more needed to be said.

"But you took out fifty vulture droids," Tarkin said, amused.

"Yeah, but I _damaged the equipment_ and _deviated from the battle plan_ and _acted recklessly_ ," Anakin said, rolling his eyes. "You'd think they'd say thank you."

"Those Jedi," Tarkin said, shaking his head. This was a comfortable and familiar topic for them. "It's a wonder we haven't already lost the war."

"I'll drink to that," said Anakin. He picked up his glass of wine, took a swig, and made a face.

Tarkin watched this motion carefully. He was in his forties, and over the course of his life he had become fairly practiced at seducing people. It was a process analogous to hunting. One had to observe one's target, learn its habits and its needs and the direction from which to approach. To get close without the kinds of sudden movements that would scare it away. And then, at the precise correct time, one made one's move.

Anakin had drunk about half a glass. If Jedi tolerance for alcohol was like most people's, then this would be enough to make him warm and relaxed without significantly impairing judgment. His body language bore that out, comfortable but alert, seeming to enjoy himself. This was the right time.

"I do enjoy these talks we have," said Tarkin, leaning forward slightly. "I'd like to ask you a personal question."

"Sure," said Anakin, popping another seafood puff into his mouth and chewing.

"It's frustrating, isn't it? Being a Jedi. Having to follow all those little rules they've made, even when it isn't appropriate to the problem at hand. Their Code."

Anakin chuckled and rolled his eyes. His long auburn hair fell over his face as his head moved. "That's not a personal question. _Everybody_ knows _that._ "

Tarkin leaned in slightly more, laying his hand out on the table between them where Anakin could casually make contact if he liked. "Have you ever thought about _breaking_ the Code?"

Anakin's face abruptly went blank.

"What do you mean?" he said, guarded all of a sudden, his shoulders tensing.

Tarkin smiled reassuringly. "I don't mean betraying anyone, or harming people without a reason. But it seems to me that in its strictest interpretation, the Jedi Code stops you from doing anything nice for yourself, for your own sake. From simply pursuing pleasure."

Anakin gave him a look that wasn't reassured at all. "What's this about, Tarkin?"

Tarkin sighed. Anakin seemed more alarmed by his suggestions than he'd hoped, which wasn't a good sign. This likely wasn't going to be a successful hunt. But since Anakin wanted an explanation, the only good way forward was to finish the attempt and explain, just so that there were no misunderstandings.

"It was just an idle thought," he said, straightening up. "But I was referring to the Jedi's insistence on chastity. Personally, I find it wearying. They may play at adherence to those rules, but I'm sure many before you have courted someone in secret-"

He'd meant to finish his sentence, but Anakin _lunged,_ Jedi-quick. He knocked over the table between them, sending seafood puffs in a clatter all over the floor, and before Tarkin could react Anakin's fist had closed around his collar, pushing him to the wall, his face a mask of muderous rage.

"I'll kill you," said Anakin. "If you tell _anyone,_ I'll _kill_ you."

"What-?!" Tarkin spluttered.

His instincts were screaming at him to throw a punch right back, but he knew very well he wouldn't win in a physical fight, not against the strongest of the Jedi.

" _You_ are being _ridiculous,"_ he growled instead, his hands going to his neck in a fruitless attempt to pry Anakin away. "When did I threaten to tell anyone anything?"

Anakin's eyes were wide and panicked in a way Tarkin had never seen. "I thought we were _friends._ I don't know how you found out, but you are going to keep your mouth _shut_ -"

"Found out?" Tarkin repeated, genuinely baffled. "Found out what?"

Anakin paused, long enough that Tarkin had time to divert a few of his thoughts away from mere survival, and for the wheels to start turning his head again properly.

He'd told Anakin that many Jedi before him must have courted people in secret, and then...

_Oh._

What?!

"Do you mean to say-" Tarkin started.

Anakin frowned more deeply, getting the slightly faraway look that Jedi did when they were just taking a quick look at someone's mind, and then released him. "You didn't know."

"Ahh. No. I didn't." Tarkin rubbed at his neck slightly; then he decided that the gesture made him look weak, and forced his hands behind his back instead. The little dining room was a mess, broken dishes and food scattered everywhere; the whole bottle of expensive wine had been upturned and was soaking a large stain into the carpet. "Dare I ask?"

Anakin looked around at the mess and took an embarrassed step back. "You _can't_ tell," he said, pleading now instead of angry. "I'd get kicked out of the Order. She'd lose her job."

Tarkin pulled his chair back upright and then looked at it critically, trying to see if it was safe to sit back down. "Of course I won't tell. What do you take me for? I wouldn't stand to gain anything from telling your secrets, except that I'd lose a friend for absurd Jedi reasons and you'd lose the prestigious duties that, for some masochistic reason, you enjoy. You wouldn't believe the things I already stay discreet about for the Republic's sake."

He tried to hide his disappointment. He'd been prepared for Anakin to possibly reject him, but it had simply never occurred to Tarkin that there might be someone else. A woman, at that.

"Promise?" said Anakin.

Tarkin decided that his chair was, after all, still safe to sit in. So he sat, although he looked foolish without an intact table in front of him. "Yes, I promise. As long as you promise not to pointlessly attack me again. Sit down, won't you?"

Anakin gave him a dubious look, like he wanted to come up with an objection to that condition, but couldn't quite. With a dispirited gesture, he floated the table and his own chair back upright and put them back in something resembling an appropriate position. The spilled food and broken wine glass rose up into the air and deposited itself into the wastebasket. He couldn't do anything about the stain on the carpet, though, the dark red wine already soaking in.

"But, wait," said Anakin as he sat back down. "If you weren't... asking about that, then... what were you trying to ask me?"

Tarkin blinked at him - he thought he'd already been clear - but there was nothing else for it, so he cleared his throat. "Well, until thirty seconds ago I wasn't aware you had a lover already. So in the absence of that knowledge, I thought it would be reasonable to make it clear that I was interested in you myself. The offer no longer stands, of course, unless you're going to tell me it's an open relationship."

Anakin furrowed his brow as if Tarkin had just rattled off a long set of technical specs in a language Anakin didn't speak. "Wait. So. You're... interested. In... dating me?"

"Yes, that's what I said."

Anakin's puzzlement only seemed to deepen. "But you're a man."

"Yes." Tarkin set his jaw. He was aware there were planets where people had hang-ups about this sort of thing, but he had no patience for them. He'd expected better of Anakin. He'd expected better about every single part of this, really.

"And... I'm a man."

"That's also true, yes."

Anakin leaned in, bewildered and fascinated. "Can you _do_ that?"

"Of course you can do that. Did the Jedi give you no biological education whatsoever?"

That would be just like the Jedi, actually. They all took vows of chastity anyway; whoever set up the program had likely assumed that everyone would either follow them forever, or would choose to deviate at their own risk. Tarkin was appalled. He had been with virgins before, but _this_ was a whole other thing.

"Biological what?" said Anakin. He looked deeply afronted that no one had ever explained this to him before. _"How?"_

Tarkin pushed his chair back from the table, exasperated. "Well, it doesn't matter, does it, since you're off the market anyway. You can look it up in an archive, I'm sure. Or ask your girlfriend."

"Wife," Anakin mumbled, suddenly abashed, looking down at the wine stain on the carpet.

"What?"

"She's not my _girlfriend,_ she's my _wife._ "

This time it was Tarkin's turn to look bewildered. "What, really? Legally?"

"Yeah."

"How in the galaxy did you secretly manage _that?_ "

Anakin looked up at him and made a vague gesture. It was a gesture that said _I don't know, it's all a blur, I just really wanted to do it and she made all the arrangements._ Tarkin had seen that expression before on people regardless of their gender or taste in partners, trying to explain all sorts of rash actions that had seemed perfectly sensible to their libido at the time.

"We just _did,_ " said Anakin after a flustered pause. "It's not _that_ hard to do."

Tarkin buried his face in his hands.

"Well," he said at last, once he'd taken a few deep breaths and reflected on the absurdity of all of this. "That's that, then. Your secret's safe with me. I don't want there to be any misunderstanding; I didn't bring you to dinner _only_ to seduce you. I do value you, as a colleague and a friend. I don't want that to change."

"Why would it change?" said Anakin earnestly, as if nobody had just turned over a table or threatened to kill anyone here. Like there wasn't still wine soaking into the carpet.

It was Tarkin's own fault, he thought, for liking the brash and impulsive and naive ones. One day, his own absurd taste in men was going to kill him.

*

" _This,_ " said Tarkin some time later, striding into the Supreme Chancellor's office, "is why I don't let you meddle in my personal life."

Palpatine was alone; the guards had already waved Tarkin through, knowing the two of them were the kind of friends who spoke in private frequently. The corner of his mouth quirked slightly as he fixed Tarkin with an innocent look. "It didn't go well?"

Tarkin had had some time to stew, since the dinner, and to deal with the truly enormous bill that the restaurant had sent his way for cleaning, and to come to the conclusion that this was probably Palpatine's fault. The expression on his face only confirmed it. He wasn't even trying to hide his mirth.

Tarkin dropped into a chair. "He is not only uninterested, he is uninterested in the most embarrassing possible way."

Palpatine picked up a datapad from the stack at the corner of his desk and gave it an idle glance-over. "And secretly married to a woman, I hear."

Tarkin gave Palpatine a sidelong look.

In truth, this barely even surprised him. Palpatine had said that it would be useful to know if Anakin could be bent from his vows. He'd never said he _only_ meant the Jedi ones.

"Let the record show I didn't tell you," said Tarkin. "Not a thing. I kept his confidence."

"That’s good to know."

"But you _did_ know. The whole time. Didn’t you?"

Palpatine was still poking at the datapad. "Ruling the galaxy is demanding work, as ever, and I find ways to have my fun. But this wasn't some mere joke at your expense. I have plans for that boy. And understanding his capacity for loyalty, to his wife or otherwise, will be essential when it comes to his future. I imagine that, in time, his mind will become more... open. You'll have your chance."

"I will not," said Tarkin, "because this is not going to _happen_ again. You're not playing the same trick on me twice."

"Am I?" said Palpatine, looking back up into Tarkin's eyes.

And Tarkin didn't have an answer to that at all.


End file.
